Thursday, June 7, 2012

Dehydrated, discouraged and a little bit disgusted...

You know it's never a good sign when it's been 2 full weeks since I've blogged. That's usually a pretty loud indication that I've really blown it and that I either have nothing positive to say or that I'm so ashamed I don't want to face myself. The good news is... it may have been 2 full weeks since I've blogged but I'm NOT letting three weeks pass before posting. I'm owning my lousy decisions from the last two weeks and moving forward again. That saying "If you don't like starting over, stop giving up" pretty much summarizes how I'm feeling right now. I hate weight gain. I hate having to lose the same pounds I've already lost once (or twice... or ten times...) before. I hate having to break bad habits. I really hate having to break them a second time. But the reality is, that's where I am right now. Life is incredibly hectic and stressful right now and it's taken its toll on my ability and desire to make good nutrition and activity choices, and now I'm paying the price. I'm dehydrated, discouraged and a little bit disgusted with myself. But I'm determined to fight through the discomfort and frustration of "starting over" and get back on track.

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I started this post two days ago and never made it back to finish. I was going to talk about being dehydrated because I was drinking virtually no water and chugging diet soda like it was the sustenance of life. I was going to talk about feeling discouraged because I've been feeling so powerless against my cravings and unhealthy temptations lately. And I was going to write about how I'm even a little disgusted with myself after gaining back several pounds over the last two weeks because of my poor eating choices and lack of activity. I didn't finish my blog entry though because... of course I botched up again yesterday, pretty big time. Junk food, soda, not enough water, etc. I did manage to get a workout in last night at my hula class though, and finally having that solid workout under my belt for the first time in a full week (!!!!!) kicked my brain back into "YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!" mode.

So today I took it one meal at a time. I chugged water all day long (over 100 oz today). I had to venture out of the house for a quick errand and I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind a dozen times to "grab a bite" or "stop for a drink" in that stupid little 20 minute errand. But I beat the cravings and temptation and got myself home without incident. Whew! I managed to make good eating choices today and stayed under my target calorie goal and my calories came from good healthy foods for the most part and correct portion sizes of everything I ate. It's so empowering to be able to look back on a day and acknowledge the good choices that I made. Again... whew! And although the day got away from me and I never made it outdoors to go running as I'd hoped to do, I did turn on my hula music and work up a really good sweat this evening practicing for the songs we'll be dancing at our end-of-year performance at the end of June. It felt good to move my body. It felt good to sweat. And again, it's empowering to look back on that positive choice I made to be active.

So there's one really solid day of good healthy choices under my belt. In the "old days" I would have thrown in the towel and made no effort to get back on track so quickly. I would have found myself "starting over" a few months later. I consider it great progress that I have moved away from that unhealthy habit at least - the habit of giving up on myself. I may get off course temporarily but I'm not a quitter. I'm doing this. I can do hard things!

How's everyone else doing? I know among the Commit To It Competitors there are quite a few of us who have been struggling. Is it some weird time of year or something? School ending, summer beginning, new stresses? I'm confident I'm stumbling my way back on track. I hope everyone comes along!!

4 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to see you blogging and committing to your health! You CAN do this!! Your post was absolutely incredible--truly, everyone who is struggling should read this, because not only is it motivating, it's REAL and not sugar-coated. I loved this especially: "It's so empowering to be able to look back on a day and acknowledge the good choices that I made." What a great affirmation--I know exactly what you mean!

    Keep it up--I'm cheering for you!!

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    1. This just made it into my "Feel Good Folder" :) THANK YOU!

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  2. So glad you're back!! And I secretly think we are twins or something. I gained 6 lbs in 3 or 4 weeks but I was down this week again after making better food choices.. Tomorrow back to the gym! I'm excited but I know "barter hill" will hit quickly tomorrow. We can do this ... I'm going with your 1 meal at a time plan.

    On a side note I also started a blog. I'm not quite as fluent in my writing but hey it's "out there".

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